There certainly are plenty of fish, but unfortunately they're all bottom feeders…

The site is the dating equivalent of a meat market indie club at 2am on a Saturday. All the more successful people have long gone home to their more fulfilling lives and significant others. You’re left with the desperate few hopped up on cheap snakebite and scouring the dance floor for that special someone looking for an STI and an ocean of regret.

This guy knows what he wants to say and he says it. Never in the history of mankind have so many spelling mistakes led to so little chance of action.

It’s almost like he copy pastes this message to hundreds of girls at a time in the hope that just one will bite. I stress almost however as I’m a special snowflake and for my own self worth, I need to believe that he spent hours crafting that gold.

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As you can see from the picture or rather can’t as we’re not total cunts, this man has a child and he wants you to know about it. I’d suggest that the reason he’s doing this is to let you know that he is soft, squishy and in possession of a few feelings unlike all them other men. Plus he’s definitely attempting to remind me that he knows what his penis is for!

Thank goodness he's fertile 'ladys'!

And it's always nice when a man doesn't have the time or inclination to use correct grammar and actual words. Obviously it means that he must be working hard to buy us all them handbags and shoes that our lives wouldn’t be complete without.

It’s widely known that being referred to as ‘u’ is a real turn-on and we can’t wait to engage with him. Just waiting for the death of all other men in the human race prior to our leap into the unknown.