Him - I would love to:

  • snort coke through a dead babies hollow femur

  • add you to my finger nail collection

  • ferment you in formaldehyde and win the turner prize

  • see you dressed up like cheetarah from the thundercats

  • bake a cake and fill it with your congealed tears

  • remove my toes and post them to you

  • drain pasta with your hair

  • use your grated foot skin as sugar

  • get rid of this painful pointless existence

  • stop crying on the inside

  • find a way to survive this meaningless life, devoid of love, with only my naked muscular physique to endear me to others

  • find my shirt

Me - I would love to:

  • live in a world where people trying to date me understand that completely fully formed thoughts lead to a greater chance of getting me undressed