Normally when I sit down to write, I think about all the funny things I might want to say and then pretty much do just rip into these arseholes (although not sexually sadly).

When I saw this, however, taken from a profile on a popular GAY and BISEXUAL dating site, I became enraged. It wasn’t even funny. Let me just break this down for you and you can see my point of view:

1.    “I’m bi” 
So according to my LGBT dick-tionary, this means you find men and women equally as sexually attractive. So if one is bi, I would imagine that one finds men sexually attractive. So why would this piece of shit then hide behind the ‘straight man’ insinuation that:

2.    “[he] will slide [his] cock inside [the gay boy] if [the gay boy] plays [his] cards right”?
This is almost like this prick is suggesting that he’s WAY too straight for his brain to want to fuck other men, and therefore it’s that dirty fucking faggot that would want it in his arse. Fucking gays, eh? He’s not gay (or indeed bi), clearly.

3.    “I don’t kiss men sorry fellas I’m sure you are all great kissers”. 
Leaving the best until last here, what the fuck are you on about, you fucking cunt? What, so men can’t touch your incredibly straight lips? Will they manage to destroy the intensity of your oozing straight aura with their homosexual saliva? Because let me tell you something, if you were to say the above statement to me (face-to-face or on an app), I’d make your ‘too-bae-for-gay’ lips look like Jackie Stallone. I think you believe gays might damage your very straight rep, coupled with the feeling that you absolutely fucking hate yourself: that must be a lonely fucking planet you live on. 

Bringing me back to my original point, you’re bi, you find MEN attractive, that means you like MEN. Men will use their lips to touch other men’s lips: APPALLING. Lest not forget, though, that you’re willing for them to kiss your cock with their faggot lips, perhaps you’re just suffering from such acute self-loathing and hatred that you forgot their homosexual saliva might still touch your prized prick.